מציג בלבד
0:00
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
My first criteria is,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
are the parties comfortable with the emotion in the room?
0:05
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
If someone stands up and yells,
0:08
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
I'm watching to see if
0:12
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
the other person is being emotionally bulldozed.
0:16
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
If he stands up and yells right back,
0:18
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
they seem like they both are very comfortable screaming and yelling at each other,
0:22
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
and both of them are very comfortable.
0:25
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
fully expressing their emotions,
0:26
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
then okay,
0:28
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
great.
0:28
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
To me,
0:29
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
that's important to say,
0:30
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
Peter, this may not be how you would talk to a sibling,
0:32
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
but guess what?
0:33
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
This isn't your family of origin.
0:34
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
It's their family of origin,
0:35
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
and they both seem to be comfortable with this.
0:38
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
And if they're comfortable with it,
0:39
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
then I'm more comfortable with it,
0:41
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
right?
0:42
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
Either both very emotionally expressive or both unexpressive,
0:45
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
either way is fine.
0:46
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
The place where it gets complicated is if you have one really emotionally expressive person and one person
0:50
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
who is not comfortable in that realm.
0:52
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
And now for you to say,
0:53
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
now I need to think about how to manage the emotion.
0:57
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
And I might need to ask this person,
0:59
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
are you okay with this level of intensity and passion?
1:03
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
Are you comfortable with this?
1:06
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
And by the way...
1:08
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
What I'm observing is that you're not responding in
1:12
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
kind. Do you want me to make sure that I ask a question to where you can let him know how you feel
1:16
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
about some things too?
1:17
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
And invite him to kind of up the ante some so that it's
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S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
a more equal tenor in the room.
1:24
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
Or I might want to go to this person and say,
1:27
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
you know, let me tell you what I'm observing.
1:28
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
I don't believe that you mean to,
1:30
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
but you are such a strong personality.
1:32
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
You have so much energy,
1:34
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
so much passion.
1:35
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
And I see you get...
1:38
S… Speaker 2 (1779796380554)
all on fire,
1:39
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
and I just see the other person going into a cave.
1:42
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
If we're going to work this out,
1:44
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
I think we need to let both of you have your voice.
1:46
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
Your passion's okay with me.
1:49
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
I'm a passionate person too,
1:50
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
but I'm not sure that it's having the impact that is helpful
1:54
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
as far as the other person.
1:55
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
So I'm coaching this person to see if they can relax a little more and
1:59
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
be less intense.
2:00
S… Speaker 1 (1779796380554)
So that's all driven by the reaction of the parties.

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