1779804418987
May 26, 2026 14:15
· 2:34
· English
· Whisper Turbo
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
There are so many sources of power that I think one
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
of the biggest mistakes we make as mediators is we jump to conclusions very
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
quickly.
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
We see someone who may be a better conversationalist and can communicate
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
really well.
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
We see someone who has the money.
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
We see someone who has the status of position.
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
I'm your boss.
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
We see someone who has the power of...
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
of culture,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
meaning a hierarchy within their culture.
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
There's dozens and dozens of sources of power.
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
In one of my special education mediations,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
there was a mother on one side.
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
and there was eight to ten people or more on the
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
other side.
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
There was the school principal,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
there was a special education director,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
there was a guidance counselor,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
there was a regular classroom teacher and a resource teacher,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
and on and on and on.
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And they were all lined up.
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And in my infinite mediator wisdom,
0:54
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
I thought,
0:55
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
This is what we call stacking the bleachers,
0:57
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
which is the amount of people over here is greater than the amount of people over here.
1:01
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And therefore,
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
they will be intimidating to the person that's over here.
1:04
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
So I thought,
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
how can I do this so brilliantly and so subtly that no one will see
1:08
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
that I'm emptying the bleachers?
1:10
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And so I said to them,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
I really appreciate that you're all here.
1:14
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
Since we are at the district office,
1:16
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
though, and it's easier for me if there's fewer people around the table,
1:19
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
I'd really like you to go back to your desk so I can have just two,
1:22
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
maybe three people at a time,
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
and that way I can call you easily,
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
be prepared to come in right away,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
and I think that would work best for me.
1:30
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And they said,
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
okay, fine.
1:32
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And I'm feeling kind of proud.
1:34
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And then the mom says to me,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
Nina, can I talk to you for a minute?
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And I said...
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
Sure.
1:40
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And we go out and we barely get out the door.
1:42
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
She wheels at me and she goes,
1:44
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
what are you,
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S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
what?
1:46
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
What are you doing?
1:47
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
Why did you do that?
1:48
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
Get those people back here.
1:50
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And I said, excuse me?
1:51
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And she said, I have waited so long to have everyone,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
everyone focused on my child and nobody else.
1:57
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
You know how long it's taken me to get all those people at the table.
2:01
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
I want every single one of them in there and they're going to be there until five o 'clock.
2:04
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
You go back there and you get them.
2:06
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
I said, yes,
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
ma 'am.
2:08
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
So I made a presumption about a source of power and
2:13
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
I was wrong.
2:14
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
I was completely and totally wrong.
2:15
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
It was her power to bring them to the table.
2:18
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
And that's where that part that I said earlier about jumping to conclusions
2:22
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
too quickly or,
2:23
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
oh, I've had a situation like this before,
2:25
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
or this is how I would feel if I was in that situation.
2:28
S…
Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
We have to take that time.
2:30
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Speaker 1 (1779804418987)
We have to ask the questions.
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