Timeline 1
May 19, 2026 22:56
· 6:29
· English
· Whisper Turbo
· 3 المتكلمون
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I was a kid that would play by myself and create these elaborate scenarios and
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be consumed with it for hours.
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I used to draw and write plays and
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songs.
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You find ways to escape reality.
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Speaker 2 (Timeline 1)
You know,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
my dad wasn't just a mean dad.
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He was literally the monster that was in the basement.
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My grandmother's first one brought attention to me that she goes,
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when you would tell stories and make stuff up,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
all I was hearing is what you were going through.
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
The kid trying to escape from the monster and he didn't make it or he did make it.
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I think the irony of the song is called I Can Only Imagine.
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
Imagination definitely got me through almost all of it.
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I guess it could have gone any direction as far as
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being creative in different avenues and stuff,
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but well,
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the handful of good moments in my childhood are all attached to songs.
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Wayne Newton's Christmas,
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when that plays,
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I go back to Christmas with my dad when my dad was happy.
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If dad's happy,
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everything's good.
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Music.
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was connected to the good moments and the safe moments in my life.
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My brother had a friend who lived down the street.
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We were playing in the yard,
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and I heard this music coming out of his room in his house.
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And I was like, what is that?
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And he was like, oh,
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it's U2,
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Unforgettable Fire.
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So he gave me that,
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and then he gave me Petra,
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More Power To You.
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And I was like,
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you mean this music exists,
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and it kind of lines up with this amazing youth group that I'm a part of?
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And so I became incredibly obsessed with Christian music,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
like on an unhealthy level.
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It just became a natural escape.
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If there was ever a chance to kind of express myself,
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it was going to be through that.
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Speaker 2 (Timeline 1)
You
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
know, when my dad was diagnosed with cancer,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
he kind of started evolving into just passionately in love with Jesus.
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I never guessed that God would change him.
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I just thought, bad guy,
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and God's my savior,
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and never will I ever meet.
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I didn't want grace to be for him.
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I didn't trust him.
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He was supposed to play the villain.
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I'm the good guy.
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I'm the rescued one.
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It was almost like it was not fair.
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It's very much like the prodigal son.
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This dude runs off,
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messes everything up,
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spends everything,
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and you're going to throw him a stinking party when he comes back?
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Sometimes you just don't want Jesus to be for him,
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to be quite honest.
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I could forgive everybody but him.
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He wasn't allowed to be on the list.
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
God was all these things I didn't have in my father,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but then for him to kind of infiltrate my dad's life and not only change
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emotionally, but physically,
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because they're saying with the frontal lobe stuff,
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none of that should have changed,
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but the temper went away.
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Everything went away.
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Everything changed.
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He'd
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fall asleep with his face in the Word every night,
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and I could hear him praying for my brother and me,
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and I was like,
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what is happening?
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There's no audience.
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He's not trying to impress anybody.
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He's doing this without anybody in there.
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When I was able to let my guard down and trust that something had changed,
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my view of God got so much bigger and so much more intimate at
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the same time.
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He not only was my escape,
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but now He's fixing the problem to the point to where,
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like, this is the godliest man I've ever known.
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Not
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
being able to forgive someone and it kind of festering is just as damaging to
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ourselves as it is anything else.
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To hold that in,
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it affects every aspect of your life,
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whether you realize it or not.
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One day you will realize it.
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A
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lot of forgiving my dad was after he passed away.
4:00
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And that's when I got engaged to Shannon.
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We got married.
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And then when it started affecting how I was a father or husband or things like that,
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just how I dealt with things,
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I was like, this is unfinished.
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
And then over time,
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you start realizing this is still eating me alive.
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He's nowhere to be found,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but I'm still, I see the effects of this still in my life.
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And so I did have to stop and literally forgive him of things that I just
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thought would be buried with him.
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I've
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
lived enough of my life without the ability to forgive my dad and even my mom.
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Speaker 3 (Timeline 1)
You know,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I convince myself just to be numb and it's not even worth bringing up.
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What kind of mess do I make if I bring up that I forgive you or whatever?
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
You know, we're great now,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but it took longer,
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but it was probably in some ways more damaging than what he had done to
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me. Just being a third grader and your mom leaving is hard to overcome.
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Now I feel like I'm making up for lost time.
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Speaker 2 (Timeline 1)
Learning
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
the circumstances around like my dad and like his accident,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
it kind of gave me a better understanding of how could he become this.
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
It's like the more you understand,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
it definitely helps in the process of forgiving someone.
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I get so caught up in me being the victim,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I realize at some point my dad and my mom were victims.
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Speaker 3 (Timeline 1)
You know,
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
my dad was a victim of a horrible accident.
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My mom was a victim of a horrible husband and the situation where she had to leave.
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And a better understanding of that definitely plays a part in the ability to forgive.
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I think no matter what you go through,
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whether it's horrific or whatever,
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I think the enemy loves isolation.
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He loves for you to go through things alone.
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The body of Christ is the body of Christ because it takes a village to get through this.
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We weren't meant to do this alone.
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The thing that helped me the most was
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finding community that you can just kind of unload on because there are some things it's hard to tell
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Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
your wife, obviously your kids,
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but you need men to be able to say,
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yeah, I know exactly what you're going through.
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I think it's something that's definitely needed is where people can just...
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Just work through it and have people to love them as they are,
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you know, that'd be a start.
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