العرض فقط
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I was a kid that would play by myself and create these elaborate scenarios and
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
be consumed with it for hours.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I used to draw and write plays and
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
songs.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
You find ways to escape reality.
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S… Speaker 2 (Timeline 1)
You know,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
my dad wasn't just a mean dad.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
He was literally the monster that was in the basement.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
My grandmother's first one brought attention to me that she goes,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
when you would tell stories and make stuff up,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
all I was hearing is what you were going through.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
The kid trying to escape from the monster and he didn't make it or he did make it.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I think the irony of the song is called I Can Only Imagine.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
Imagination definitely got me through almost all of it.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I guess it could have gone any direction as far as
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
being creative in different avenues and stuff,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but well,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
the handful of good moments in my childhood are all attached to songs.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
Wayne Newton's Christmas,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
when that plays,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I go back to Christmas with my dad when my dad was happy.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
If dad's happy,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
everything's good.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
Music.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
was connected to the good moments and the safe moments in my life.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
My brother had a friend who lived down the street.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
We were playing in the yard,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
and I heard this music coming out of his room in his house.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
And I was like, what is that?
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
And he was like, oh,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
it's U2,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
Unforgettable Fire.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
So he gave me that,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
and then he gave me Petra,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
More Power To You.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
And I was like,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
you mean this music exists,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
and it kind of lines up with this amazing youth group that I'm a part of?
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
And so I became incredibly obsessed with Christian music,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
like on an unhealthy level.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
It just became a natural escape.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
If there was ever a chance to kind of express myself,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
it was going to be through that.
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S… Speaker 2 (Timeline 1)
You
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
know, when my dad was diagnosed with cancer,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
he kind of started evolving into just passionately in love with Jesus.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I never guessed that God would change him.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I just thought, bad guy,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
and God's my savior,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
and never will I ever meet.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I didn't want grace to be for him.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I didn't trust him.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
He was supposed to play the villain.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I'm the good guy.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I'm the rescued one.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
It was almost like it was not fair.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
It's very much like the prodigal son.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
This dude runs off,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
messes everything up,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
spends everything,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
and you're going to throw him a stinking party when he comes back?
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
Sometimes you just don't want Jesus to be for him,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
to be quite honest.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I could forgive everybody but him.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
He wasn't allowed to be on the list.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
God was all these things I didn't have in my father,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but then for him to kind of infiltrate my dad's life and not only change
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
emotionally, but physically,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
because they're saying with the frontal lobe stuff,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
none of that should have changed,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but the temper went away.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
Everything went away.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
Everything changed.
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S… Speaker 2 (Timeline 1)
He'd
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
fall asleep with his face in the Word every night,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
and I could hear him praying for my brother and me,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
and I was like,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
what is happening?
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
There's no audience.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
He's not trying to impress anybody.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
He's doing this without anybody in there.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
When I was able to let my guard down and trust that something had changed,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
my view of God got so much bigger and so much more intimate at
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
the same time.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
He not only was my escape,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but now He's fixing the problem to the point to where,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
like, this is the godliest man I've ever known.
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S… Speaker 2 (Timeline 1)
Not
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
being able to forgive someone and it kind of festering is just as damaging to
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
ourselves as it is anything else.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
To hold that in,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
it affects every aspect of your life,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
whether you realize it or not.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
One day you will realize it.
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S… Speaker 2 (Timeline 1)
A
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
lot of forgiving my dad was after he passed away.
4:00
S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
And that's when I got engaged to Shannon.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
We got married.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
And then when it started affecting how I was a father or husband or things like that,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
just how I dealt with things,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I was like, this is unfinished.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
And then over time,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
you start realizing this is still eating me alive.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
He's nowhere to be found,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but I'm still, I see the effects of this still in my life.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
And so I did have to stop and literally forgive him of things that I just
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
thought would be buried with him.
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S… Speaker 2 (Timeline 1)
I've
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
lived enough of my life without the ability to forgive my dad and even my mom.
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S… Speaker 3 (Timeline 1)
You know,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I convince myself just to be numb and it's not even worth bringing up.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
What kind of mess do I make if I bring up that I forgive you or whatever?
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
You know, we're great now,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but it took longer,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but it was probably in some ways more damaging than what he had done to
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
me. Just being a third grader and your mom leaving is hard to overcome.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
Now I feel like I'm making up for lost time.
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S… Speaker 2 (Timeline 1)
Learning
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
the circumstances around like my dad and like his accident,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
it kind of gave me a better understanding of how could he become this.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
It's like the more you understand,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
it definitely helps in the process of forgiving someone.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I get so caught up in me being the victim,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I realize at some point my dad and my mom were victims.
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S… Speaker 3 (Timeline 1)
You know,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
my dad was a victim of a horrible accident.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
My mom was a victim of a horrible husband and the situation where she had to leave.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
And a better understanding of that definitely plays a part in the ability to forgive.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I think no matter what you go through,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
whether it's horrific or whatever,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I think the enemy loves isolation.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
He loves for you to go through things alone.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
The body of Christ is the body of Christ because it takes a village to get through this.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
We weren't meant to do this alone.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
The thing that helped me the most was
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
finding community that you can just kind of unload on because there are some things it's hard to tell
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
your wife, obviously your kids,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
but you need men to be able to say,
6:00
S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
yeah, I know exactly what you're going through.
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
I think it's something that's definitely needed is where people can just...
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
Just work through it and have people to love them as they are,
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S… Speaker 1 (Timeline 1)
you know, that'd be a start.

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