HTB Wk2 Audio only
Kapitoly
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0:05Kapitola 1: What do you think? 98s · Speaker 2
What do you think? What's the secret to your lasting marriage? A lot. I would say food. Having lots of fun together. Being able to communicate, negotiate. Communication and dating. Lots of money and good sex. That too. You need some intelle…
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1:43
The strange thing was when we were both back in the same country but in different cities, Scylla was in London, I was at university in another city, we really struggled in our communication as we had to rely on public phones. So I was shari…
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3:10Kapitola 3: Phones have really changed the dynamic of how you interact because they're around all the time. 89s · Speaker 5
Phones have really changed the dynamic of how you interact because they're around all the time. I would say if there's one area where bickering continues, it's via text message. Text message bickering is the worst bickering because it's so …
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4:39Kapitola 4: connection in marriage has a lot to do with the level at which we communicate with each other. 88s · Speaker 6
connection in marriage has a lot to do with the level at which we communicate with each other. There are broadly three levels. Level one communication is about facts, passing on information at a superficial level, such as it's raining, the …
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6:08Kapitola 5: Dan, and I have been made a long time. 87s · Speaker 5
Dan, and I have been made a long time. It seems an awfully long time. The truth is, it's getting on a half a century. You can't be mad that long without going through tough times. And we've been through tough times. I think we've been throu…
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7:36Kapitola 6: communication is two -way. 98s · Speaker 3
communication is two -way. Effective communication is always dynamic. It involves talking and listening. It requires a response from the other person. There's an ongoing flow and interchange. And in marriage, our aim has to be to listen twi…
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9:20Kapitola 7: We've been married for 20 years. 103s · Speaker 2
We've been married for 20 years. No, it's more than 20 years, isn't it? Coming up to 22 years. And we have three children and a dog. Yeah, yeah. I was in the police for 15 years. That's where we met. I joined a department called SCD10, wher…
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11:04
And from that moment, we started falling in love again. We learnt... through that time that we really needed to work on our marriage. I think it's been a process of us learning how to communicate deeply, not on the surface level. It's actua…
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12:07
Every couple has to work out how to stay connected on a daily basis in whatever way works for them, whether that's through talking as they travel to work together, communicating by text, talking on the phone during the day, or catching up w…
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14:50Kapitola 10: I grew up in a home where there are no feelings. 143s · Speaker 3
I grew up in a home where there are no feelings. There are facts, right? This happened or it did not happen. Like, it is black. black and white, but you get married and you don't realize that your spouse can look at the same set of facts an…
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17:14Kapitola 11: But some people don't just find it difficult to express their feelings. 97s · Speaker 5
But some people don't just find it difficult to express their feelings. They also find it hard to recognize what they're feeling in the first place. And if that's you, we want to encourage you that change is possible. In one of the continui…
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18:51
I think, a deeper understanding of what it takes to stay connected. When we got back together, I resolved not to have a thought life, which was secret from Nick. In the past, I used to dwell on the negative aspects of our relationship, but …
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20:02
So if you're married to someone who struggles to verbalize their feelings, they're likely to feel exposed and vulnerable when they first start to do so. So be sure to help them to feel safe, to open up. They need to know that you're not goi…
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22:36
All those thoughts in the diagram apply to me at different moments. And it takes courage for me to tell Scylla what I'm feeling inside. For effective communication, talking is vital. But so too is listening. Often we take listening for gran…
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24:31Kapitola 15: I'm Tony Troxler. 69s · Speaker 6
I'm Tony Troxler. I'm Susie Troxler, obviously. And we've been married for about 12 years now without listening to something and just prejudging or... giving advice as soon as I hear a keyword or something. You have to hear the whole thing.…
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25:41Kapitola 16: Yeah, very long -winded. 300s · Speaker 3
Yeah, very long -winded. Like, I would be talking a long... I had to learn that right along with him learning, you know, not to disengage. I had to learn to, you know, break that down and just, you know, smaller tablets because it's just to…
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30:42Kapitola 17: sadness, or any other negative feelings. 174s · Speaker 3
sadness, or any other negative feelings. And that can have the effect of shutting them down. Now, reassuring is definitely my worst listening habit. I want to keep everything calm. I want to cheer the other person up. But I've come to reali…
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33:37Kapitola 18: So we went to school together. 67s · Speaker 1
So we went to school together. So I'm a couple of years older than Rachel's and you found me really attractive really quickly. Not quite. We lived in a small town, so basically when she got to 18, she realised she didn't have many choices a…
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34:45Kapitola 19: Interrupt. 163s · Speaker 2
Interrupt. I'd interrupt you and just kind of shut you off. And I think you learn, OK, I need to say things a little bit quicker, a little bit more succinct. And I try and give him a bit of space to let him finish, which takes self -control…
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37:28Kapitola 20: Now, at this stage, you're not agreeing or disagreeing or giving your own opinion. 126s · Speaker 3
Now, at this stage, you're not agreeing or disagreeing or giving your own opinion. Your turn to do that will come later. Reflecting back has two benefits. First of all, it helps us find out if we've really understood what our partner has to…
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39:34
In a moment, we're going to get you to practice those five steps. But first, we're going to try to give you an example of what effective listening looks like and sounds like. To remind us whose issue is being discussed, the person who's spe…
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44:35
me to do like us to do about what you've just said I think it's us I think what we've got to do which we really haven't done is to do some planning and I know it sounds ridiculous but I think we've got to put some dates in our calendar beca…
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46:15Kapitola 23: Is that it? 149s · Speaker 4
Is that it? Yes, exactly. Okay. Well, we'll have a go. Thank you. Thank you so much. Well, what you've heard is half the conversation. I'll have a chance to have my say later and Scylla will listen to me. And every time we have a conversati…
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48:44Kapitola 24: Now, while some of you found it hard to stop talking, others may have found it difficult to articulate your feelings. 112s · Speaker 2
Now, while some of you found it hard to stop talking, others may have found it difficult to articulate your feelings. But if we fail to communicate what may be painful or complex emotions and try to cope on our own, we can all too easily st…
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50:48Kapitola 25: I'll take this with me. 27s · Speaker 4
I'll take this with me. Do we look relaxed? Big Nights. I need to say it again now. It was really important to me. What? I'm so sorry. That was gold. That was gold. Parents. I'm so sorry. You've got to get, you've got to, because if I say i…