Insta live with Nivea

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Hello.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

Can everybody hear me fine?

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

This is my first live.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'm just testing this right now.

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S… Speaker 5 (Insta live with Nivea)

Hello.

0:49

S… Speaker 5 (Insta live with Nivea)

Hello. Good

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

to see yaar.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

I thought I didn't know how many people will be in the first live but good to see that at least

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

a few of you have joined already.

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S… Speaker 5 (Insta live with Nivea)

Hello.

1:05

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Hey.

1:06

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Hey.

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S… Speaker 8 (Insta live with Nivea)

Hi Nibya.

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

How are you?

1:08

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Good.

1:09

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

How are you?

1:09

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'm good.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'm actually very happy because I was very scared that the first live will be in the first live

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

but I already see a couple of them.

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

That's good.

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S… Speaker 8 (Insta live with Nivea)

That's a good start.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah.

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S… Speaker 5 (Insta live with Nivea)

Hmm.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

Let me just figure it out.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

Can you see some comments,

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

Nivia? I can only see.

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah,

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

I think I do.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yes.

1:30

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah.

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S… Speaker 7 (Insta live with Nivea)

Okay.

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yes, I can.

1:32

S… Speaker 8 (Insta live with Nivea)

Okay.

1:33

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Nice.

1:34

S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

We can hear you.

1:36

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Perfect.

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

Thank you.

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S… Speaker 7 (Insta live with Nivea)

Hey,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Nivia.

1:39

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Hi.

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

Okay.

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S… Speaker 6 (Insta live with Nivea)

That's great.

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

i'm doing it for the first time as well so hopefully it goes great first time

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

for the both of us let's see yeah you can hear me clearly right yes and

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

you yes okay perfect perfect we're gonna wait

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

for a few seconds and then we'll begin okay yeah

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S… Speaker 5 (Insta live with Nivea)

how was

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

the day for you busy yeah i

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

had some um i only had like two sessions today so it wasn't

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S… Speaker 5 (Insta live with Nivea)

that bad yeah i think

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

we'll we should start okay i don't know

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah.

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S… Speaker 8 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah.

2:41

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Cool.

2:42

S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

So I think we have a few people here and more

2:46

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

will join.

2:47

S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

I was just trying to see if there is a way to just add a

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

sticker or something here.

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Is there?

2:52

S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

I don't know.

2:53

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

No,

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S… Speaker 8 (Insta live with Nivea)

never mind.

2:56

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Okay.

2:57

S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

So in case anybody has joined who doesn't know what this

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

life is for and who we are,

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

just giving a quick intro.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'm Apoorva.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

I run this channel called The Dating Compass.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

I majorly share my opinions and observations around modern

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

day relationship challenges as I see them.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

and this person is Nivea she's a relationship coach she has real clients

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

across the world and I don't know Nivea if I told you that a

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

couple of weeks ago I had actually put up a story where I had asked these

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

people that if I want to get somebody on this channel somebody

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

from this space and somebody who creates very sensible and balanced content and not rage

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

bait content who would you like to see and a couple of them actually

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

suggested your name that's how i found out about you and that's how i reached out to you so yeah

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

that's crazy actually yeah

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

So yeah, I'm really glad that we are finally getting to do this public chat.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

The topic for today,

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

as we have decided,

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

is around self -awareness and patterns.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

And why do self -aware people also repeat the same patterns?

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

But before we go to that core question,

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

I definitely know that we want to discuss more about self -awareness

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

and patterns in general.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

Because I think it's very hard for somebody to see their own patterns,

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

even if they're self -aware.

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

All of us would like to believe that we are self -aware,

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

but...

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

are we really i don't know so we uh i would love to cover some

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S… Speaker 4 (Insta live with Nivea)

of these topics in this chat first yeah do you have something to share on this

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

topic now yeah i think self -awareness um in the basic

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

way possible if i was to explain it it's like just just just to

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

get conscious of what you feel how you feel um

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

how you act how others see you just to

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

get conscious of these things and that's how you get that self -awareness and it is a

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

it's i personally believe that if you're not self -aware

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

you'd probably be repeating the same type of mistakes you know same

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

type of you'd be attracting

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

same type of people in your life you'll be having the same fights so it's important to have

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

that clarity so self -awareness is very important but again it

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

doesn't stop at self -awareness it there's more to it but that's

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

the first step that's definitely the first step yes yeah but how

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

would you tell like you know i think uh i'm educated my friends are educated

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

and we would like to think that we are self -aware but how would you even tell if you're self -aware

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

or not i don't know

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

see if you're able to question yourself if you know your patterns now

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

patterns look like um if you can tell

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

that if i give you an example if you've

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

been in the dating pool right and you're not able to get good partner

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S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

right

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

have you ever tried to question yourself that why are you not able to attract

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

the type of love you're looking or the partner you're looking so if you don't

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

know if you're in the limbo you're like i don't know what keeps happening why am i like why

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

all my relationships are failing that means you're not self -aware you haven't asked the right

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

kind of questions that needs to be asked right so it's important that

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you ask yourself

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

What is happening?

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Why is it happening?

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Why are you reacting the same way?

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Why are you attracting the same type of people?

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So these are the questions that you should be asking.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

If you don't know the answers to this question,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

that means you're not self -aware.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

If you don't know your patterns,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you're not self -aware.

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I think while

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you're saying all these things,

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'm just thinking about a lot of these people that I know that are single and

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

in this phase where they are not able to find somebody.

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

and even they they would maybe have some idea why

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

they are not able to find somebody but they would always blame the other person I think the

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

core sentiment that I felt from all of them is that oh I met this person but

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know they had this problem oh I met this person but they had this kind of a problem and

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'm not able to find somebody somebody real at

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

all you know that I can even take things further at least two steps

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

So I know a lot of these people who are just stuck at the beginning itself because they

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

are not able to find any person that they can find fit.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

The first question one should ask is why do you keep attracting the same type of people then?

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Why do you keep attracting people who have problems

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

or who needs to be fixed or who are hot and cold or all of

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

those stuff, right?

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

It's you who are attracting them in the first place.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

They're not coming in your life.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

You're the one who keeps attracting them.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

You're the one who keeps going to them.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

If someone needs to be fixed,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you're the one who keeps going to them.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

over and over again so one needs to here's the thing if you

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

keep blaming see blaming is easy if you keep blaming the other person you'd never we'd

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

never grow ever so the only way you want to get self

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

-aware or if if you if you want to get clarity about things

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

in your life and you actually want to grow you need to the first

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

thing you should do is look within yeah and if you're not looking within if you're

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

not self -reflecting then you're not

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

getting self -aware and you're not you'd not develop that skill and it's

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

important and it's just not see self -awareness is just not for

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

relationships you you make your wise like if you

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

want to make any wise decision in your life like just any decision making um

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

skill that you have you for that you need to be self -aware of yourself

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

right so you cannot just have um so self -awareness

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

is just not for relationships it's also for making good decisions in your life

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

it's also for growth for personal growth right for learning and everything so

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

yeah that's that's i would say like if you cannot look within then i

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

think there's i wouldn't even want to have a conversation with someone like

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

who who's not even ready to look at their own patterns

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

like what where am i going wrong yeah

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

if they're not able to ask that question then they'd they'd always be stuck

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

in the same trap and and they'd be blaming life or bad

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

luck or people around them or they'd be blaming men in general or

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

women in general but is it always them

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Is it always their own patterns because

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

of which they're not able to find somebody or they're not able to have a good relationship?

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Is it always them or is it mostly them?

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

What do you think?

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

If they know,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

if they're able to discern well in the early stages of dating,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

then they know what they're looking for.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

But if let's say they keep attracting the same type of people and then they're in their relationship

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

and that relationship lasts for another one year and then they're stuck,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

even though they know that they do not want to be with this person.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

And then the problem is them because they clearly knew that they were

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

not their person,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

but then they still were in the relationship and they still entertain them for

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

such a long time.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So deep down,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

we have to ask why were,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

why did they even entertain this?

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

person for this long even though you knew that this was not their person you

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

know so the problem so the it's i wouldn't say the problem is then the pattern

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

lies in them right so if they're not able to see why

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

are they entertaining the same person then there's no point like yes

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

if if they do see that the person um that they attract

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

they're not their person and then they they

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

decide that okay i do not want to be with this person anymore and they move on

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

that means they know what they want right so then there's no problem there the

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

problem only lies it's only those people who don't know when

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

to say no yeah you know okay and when

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

to not entertain yes

10:46

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I see a comment here from Nakul that seems very relevant for this one.

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'm not able to see comments here.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

You're not able to see comments?

10:52

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Oh, that's why I checked.

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah,

10:54

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

it's only stuck at the first few comments where,

10:57

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

yeah,

10:58

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

it doesn't,

10:59

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I don't know.

11:00

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I thought...

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Let me check something.

11:03

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

It's okay, you can carry on.

11:05

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah,

11:06

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

if I add you as a...

11:07

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

No, I don't think.

11:08

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I think there's something called moderator.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

If I add you there,

11:11

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you should be able to see it,

11:12

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

but I'm not able to add you as a moderator.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So, because you are already on the video,

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

maybe that's why.

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I don't know.

11:17

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

We'll have to fix this for the next one.

11:19

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Okay.

11:20

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah,

11:21

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'll just read out the comment.

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S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

We're stuck in the first few ones where this guy said,

11:24

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

hi Nivea.

11:25

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah.

11:26

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Okay.

11:27

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I can see.

11:28

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

It's okay.

11:29

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

okay i just read out this question to you so this person is asking how are we

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S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

sure that we are the ones attracting a specific kind of people if

11:37

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you keep ending up in the same situations over and over again then that means that it's

11:41

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

your pattern if you're the yeah i

11:45

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

have a very basic question here yes

11:50

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

There are a lot of people,

11:52

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

at least in my audience and,

11:53

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know, in India in general,

11:54

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

that don't date too much,

11:57

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

right?

11:57

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I mean, their dating history is probably just,

12:00

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know, maybe two or three people max and maybe not even that sometimes,

12:03

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

right?

12:03

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Is it too important to just date to be the self -aware person

12:07

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

in relationships?

12:08

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I agree.

12:09

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

As I say this,

12:10

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I think, yes.

12:11

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

But what do you think about this?

12:15

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I understand there's definitely a cultural difference here.

12:20

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you do not need to date multiple people to know your patterns like

12:25

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

just one ex would tell you your patterns and how because in that even

12:29

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

with that one ex you were still entertaining shit you didn't

12:33

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

want to entertain you were still um over functioning

12:38

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know you were over extending over doing things or you

12:42

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

were um you knew that this person wasn't for you but you

12:46

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

still kept on doing and giving and

12:48

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know and that's a pattern as well that means you you didn't

12:52

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

have healthy boundaries that's a pattern you were people pleasing you were doing all of

12:56

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

it that's a pattern you didn't need multiple people to recognize that just

13:01

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

one person can still give you all of that information but you should be self

13:05

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

-aware and you should be you know um conscious enough to

13:09

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

see that

13:13

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

nobody asks that questions to themselves nobody nobody does the

13:17

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

hard work because for that you need to sit with yourself you need to understand yourself

13:21

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you need to understand where am I going wrong because it's easier to blame others

13:25

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

as we discussed but nobody wants to do the hard work nobody wants to look within so

13:31

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you're saying that even with even if you've just been in one relationship you can tell

13:35

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

how you were in that relationship

13:37

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

And from that,

13:39

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you can tell the tendencies that you have basically that,

13:41

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know,

13:42

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you tend to overgive or you tend to take more shit

13:46

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

than you should.

13:47

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

You tend to not set your boundaries clearly.

13:49

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So those are basically patterns,

13:51

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

right?

13:51

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yes.

13:52

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yes.

13:52

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So you ask yourself,

13:54

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

what were the things that you didn't want to do,

13:55

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

but you still ended up doing?

13:57

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah.

13:58

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

And you ended up doing over and over again.

14:00

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Why?

14:01

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

These are the questions one should be asking.

14:04

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

yeah that's that's how we get self -aware just get conscious of everything

14:08

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

get conscious of what am i doing why am i doing how is

14:12

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

it serving me how is how are my actions serving someone yeah

14:17

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

is it is it helping me is it not helping me is it healthy is

14:21

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

it not healthy why did i even do it again so all these questions nobody asked that yeah

14:26

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

nobody asked that i agree with you um

14:30

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

but as i'm saying this i'm also thinking that

14:34

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I've spoken to a lot of people through this channel who have been in you know these kind of

14:38

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

patterns and situations but like for example I'll quote one example specifically this

14:42

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

person that I had spoken to this person had been telling me that yeah

14:47

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

your video is stuck for a second yeah sorry

14:51

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

can you

14:59

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

hear me though

15:00

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I can hear you.

15:01

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I don't know.

15:02

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

What did I do?

15:02

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

What did you do?

15:05

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I was actually checking if I can see comments.

15:08

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Oh,

15:08

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

okay. Holy shit.

15:11

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I don't know how to get back.

15:12

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Can you leave it and

15:16

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

then I add you again?

15:18

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yes,

15:19

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

please.

15:19

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Sorry.

15:20

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

No,

15:21

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

it's fine.

15:22

S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

You're

15:35

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

still trying to connect,

15:35

S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

right? Nivia,

15:50

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

can you hear me?

15:50

S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

Now

16:24

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I can add Afghan.

16:25

S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

Sorry,

16:28

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

guys. One second.

16:38

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'm so sorry.

16:39

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

You know what?

16:39

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'm just not going to touch it at all.

16:41

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah,

16:42

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'll read out the comments.

16:43

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

It's fine.

16:43

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I was just figuring out if I could see the comments,

16:47

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

but it's okay.

16:48

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

No,

16:49

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

it's okay.

16:50

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

We're not getting too many comments.

16:52

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

It's okay.

16:52

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'll read out whatever we want to include here.

16:56

S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

Okay,

16:58

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

so yeah, I was saying that...

17:00

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

So this specific instance that I wanted to share with you,

17:02

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

there is a person that I had spoken to through this channel itself.

17:06

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

And his concern was that he's not able to find somebody on either

17:10

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

dating apps or arranged marriage,

17:13

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

matrimonial platforms,

17:14

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

etc.

17:15

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

And, you know,

17:16

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

he kept blaming the other platforms.

17:18

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Like, for example,

17:19

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know, dating apps are shitty now because he's not able to find somebody

17:23

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

for something long term.

17:25

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

And he said that people are just there to hook up and not really to

17:29

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

build something serious.

17:30

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

And on arranged marriages,

17:31

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

he had other problems like,

17:33

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know, they were...

17:34

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

that was too transactional there were only parents reaching out to these guys

17:38

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

and you know only checking what they're worth and not really

17:42

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

looking for the qualities in that person at all right so

17:46

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

he felt that that was true transaction and the dating apps were just you know not

17:51

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

a serious platform enough and you know I just felt

17:55

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

that this person was

17:58

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I mean, I don't know.

17:59

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I personally feel that it can't be that bad everywhere,

18:02

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

right?

18:02

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Because something has to be wrong in your process or in your thinking

18:06

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

or, you know, your capacity to take or modify things and then to move on for

18:11

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you to feel this way.

18:11

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

But what do you think about this?

18:13

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Is this a pattern?

18:14

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah,

18:15

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I actually do have a client and he's on,

18:19

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I think he's on one of the dating

18:23

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

apps and he's just not having a good time there because all the dates.

18:28

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

he goes to it's just not ending up like

18:32

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

he's not getting second dates the same person and and

18:36

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I'm gonna be very honest with you dating apps just to be on there

18:40

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

it's a difficult task it's very difficult people are very transactional people

18:46

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

um there are people on these apps who do not know if they

18:50

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

really want to be in a relationship and they're just there because they're just killing time

18:54

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

or they just want good time with someone or they they

18:58

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

are just like i don't know there's a lot of scams as well but

19:03

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

When I see,

19:05

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

when I have a client like that,

19:06

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I always say that if you know that the dating apps have been difficult

19:11

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

for you, have you tried to put yourself out in the market?

19:14

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

And how does that look like?

19:15

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

That means,

19:16

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

what does your schedule look like?

19:18

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Have you joined any clubs nearby?

19:21

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Do you go to restaurants?

19:22

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

I want you to be out there so that you can naturally attract people

19:26

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

in your life.

19:27

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Or just be in social settings where

19:31

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know that

19:33

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

the type of person you're looking for would be there.

19:35

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Like if you're not in clubs or anything,

19:37

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

because if you're looking for a serious relationship,

19:39

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you're at the wrong setting.

19:40

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

You need to put yourself out there,

19:42

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

like join a club,

19:45

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

like a book club or a pottery club where you know that you'd be

19:49

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

able to get the type of person you're looking for.

19:51

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Of course, you mean hobbies,

19:52

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

dance classes,

19:53

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

gym, whatever you're interested in,

19:54

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

right? Yeah.

19:55

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yes.

19:55

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So, and that not,

19:57

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

so the two things,

20:00

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

we get from it first you have your own social life you're doing you're enjoying

20:04

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you're not focusing on oh i need a partner i need a partner because if you if

20:08

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you have that focus and if you have that very like um if you have a mindset

20:12

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

of like no i need a partner right now you're you're coming from a place of desperation

20:17

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

and you and that energy shows off

20:20

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

that comes off and people people see that and then the other person who is

20:25

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

sitting across you on a day they'd be like okay this person is like

20:29

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

so desperate to be in a relationship so bad yeah they naturally that they they want to repel

20:33

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

they they it doesn't work for them because nobody wants to be in a relationship

20:37

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

where the other person feels like they need you it's more like a want yeah

20:42

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

right they they they should want you not need you in a way that

20:46

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

oh i'm lonely please help me be with me

20:49

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So A,

20:50

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

they have their own life.

20:53

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

They put themselves in these social settings.

20:55

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

B,

20:56

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

there's a possibility they attract their partner,

20:59

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

the type of partner they're looking for,

21:01

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

right?

21:02

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So it's important that if you know that something is not

21:06

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

working for you,

21:07

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

just cut it.

21:08

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Just try something else.

21:10

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

But then if you have like various filters,

21:13

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

like...

21:14

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

oh i want someone who's beautiful and also like who has

21:18

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

zero figure and who has like blonde hair like it's

21:23

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

not gonna work because you're not being realistic at this point yeah i

21:28

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

agree with you yeah okay um

21:32

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

but i do you think that knowing

21:37

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

these patterns that you know uh and being this patient

21:41

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

is easy

21:44

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

How difficult is it?

21:45

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

Because I think a lot of people that I know who are in these positions are just extremely

21:50

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

frustrated with the whole process.

21:51

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

And they feel that,

21:52

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know, like this person that I was talking about,

21:54

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I just get the sense of frustration from this person and from many others who

21:59

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

have been in this process.

21:59

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

And I think it's the frustration that is the pattern in general,

22:03

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

I feel that,

22:04

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know, they're not able to...

22:06

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

What's the frustration about?

22:07

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Is it about not getting the results they're looking for?

22:13

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So the reason they're not getting the results is because they're not self -aware.

22:16

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

They're trying to jump onto results

22:20

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

without doing the work in between.

22:22

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

What does that look like though?

22:25

S… Speaker 2 (Insta live with Nivea)

What does this work look like?

22:26

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

That is just like trying to ask questions to yourself,

22:29

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

ask, ask those questions,

22:31

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

understand yourself,

22:32

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

and then apply those things.

22:34

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Self -awareness,

22:36

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

when you understand that these are my patterns,

22:37

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

this is what I do.

22:38

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Like, for example,

22:39

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

let's say you have a pattern of going to

22:43

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

the same guy over and over again.

22:45

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah.

22:45

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Right.

22:46

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

And you know,

22:47

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

this person is not good for you.

22:49

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah.

22:49

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So understand why are you doing this?

22:52

S… Speaker 3 (Insta live with Nivea)

Yeah.

22:52

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Because usually it comes down to.

22:56

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

They have their nervous system cannot identify the

23:00

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

difference between familiar and good.

23:03

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

Now,

23:04

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

they usually person who keeps going back to the same people,

23:09

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

like same person who's emotionally unavailable or inconsistent.

23:13

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

It's usually because the environment they grew up in was inconsistent.

23:18

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

The environment they grew up in had emotional ups and lows.

23:21

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

There was a lot of chaos,

23:23

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

right?

23:24

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

A lot of inconsistency.

23:26

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

And now their nervous system thinks that that is love.

23:30

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So the definition of love becomes inconsistency,

23:33

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

you know,

23:34

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

hot and cold,

23:35

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

chaos,

23:36

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

confusion.

23:38

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

So now they keep attracting the same type of people in their life or they keep going

23:42

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

back to the same people,

23:43

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

same person who gives them the same feeling because the nervous system

23:47

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

doesn't think, oh,

23:48

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

it's good for you.

23:48

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

It thinks this is home.

23:51

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

This feels like love.

23:52

S… Speaker 1 (Insta live with Nivea)

This feels like home.

Insta live with Nivea

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