New+Recording+77+3

0:00

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Hello, Serea. I have here, you are recording 77, and I'll give you some audio feedback.

0:08

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Before I do, let me just give you a little breakdown of how you did on the quiz.

0:13

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

You got, just a moment, you got 7 out of 14 on the parts of speech, so you missed things like irregular plural, present participle adjective.

0:24

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Present participles are the ing form, the ente in French. Adverb clause, adjective clause, didn't get right.

0:33

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Possessive pronoun, there wasn't one, it's a possessive adjective that you wrote.

0:38

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Present participle verb, anything with ing in a verb tense, like had been composing, composing, or was referring, referring.

0:46

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

So, little work to do there. It looks like I got 2, 4, 6, 8 out of 12 on the posimi. We'll go over those in class in detail.

0:55

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

And you got 9 out of 12 on finding grammar errors.

1:01

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Alright, let's take a look at this. Writing is holding depressed.

1:05

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Now, just to make it clear that we know it's a title, you want to capitalize the first letter of the first word,

1:11

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

but also any content words, not the little grammar words, like of or at or something, but depressed should be capitalized in a title.

1:21

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Throughout the entire novel, the mental health of Holden, better to say Holden's mental health, is unstable.

1:27

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

More English sounding.

1:31

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Now, you jump right away, his mental health is unstable, and then you say this depression.

1:36

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Not all mental, it sounds like all mental health problems are depression, but, so there's a little jump there.

1:44

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

He probably suffers from depression, something like that.

1:50

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Okay, because there's anxiety issues, and there's, you know, schizophrenia and bipolarism,

1:55

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

and automatically you went this depression, unstable mental health.

2:01

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

It seems related to his brother's death, his hate for adulthood, and his emotional breakdowns.

2:07

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

That's fine.

2:11

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

I would just hope that you're not using the exact same terms.

2:13

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

If you're going to list basically what's probably, what are probably the main ideas in your paragraphs,

2:18

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

that you're not saying exactly the same way every time.

2:22

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

So, you're not saying his brother's death, his hate for adulthood, and his emotional breakdowns.

2:27

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Word for word.

2:28

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Firstly, he's been talking, he's been talking about his brother several times.

2:34

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Okay, the idea of several times, this is, present perfect is great, but it, several times is,

2:41

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

one, he did it in the past one time, then two times, then three times, right up to the present,

2:45

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

and he still does it, or potentially will do it again.

2:48

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

So this is, you wouldn't use a progressive here, because it sounds like he's been talking,

2:53

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

he's not finished talking about his brother.

2:56

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Brother, he's been talking about his brother a lot throughout the novel,

3:03

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

but the several times forces you to use a simple form, like completed action, completed action,

3:08

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

completed action.

3:10

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Maybe he's doing it right now, and he'll probably do it again.

3:13

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

So that several times forces you to stay away from the progressive form of the present perfect.

3:18

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

But still, the present perfect part's good.

3:22

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

We don't say during homework, while doing Stradillator's homework, but during, you say

3:29

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

during an event, during a football game, during dinner, during the movie, while doing Stradillator's

3:36

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

homework, he wrote about his brother's, apostrophe S, brother's baseball mitt while, and you know,

3:44

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

if you needed to use while there, even though it was not related at all.

3:51

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Therefore, he still could not erase any memory of him.

3:56

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

And again, he has, therefore, he still hasn't been able to, just you see, up to now.

4:03

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

And that's how you started your main idea of your paragraph,

4:06

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

so you'd want to try to stay consistent, up to now, from past, impacting the present.

4:12

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

He still hasn't been able to.

4:16

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

You cannot say he still hasn't could, right?

4:18

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

But you could say able to.

4:19

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

He still hasn't been able to erase any memory of him.

4:23

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Besides, he talked about his brother being alone in the cemetery.

4:29

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

I don't know if besides is the right transition word.

4:31

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

If you want to say, you know, I would just not put any word there.

4:36

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Just, he talked about his brother being alone in the cemetery.

4:40

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Cemetery is misspelt.

4:43

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Showing that he really wanted to be with him and missed him.

4:47

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Yeah, hopefully he doesn't want to be with him in the cemetery.

4:50

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

But he really wanted him to still be here and missed him.

4:58

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

He has also described him as...

5:00

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

in a sterling way saying, nice reduced clause, saying how much, how smart and nice he was.

5:07

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

You don't say how much he was smart.

5:09

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

How smart and nice he was.

5:15

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Even though his brother died due to leukemia, while he himself was very young,

5:24

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

it has felt a huge grief in his heart.

5:29

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

It has felt.

5:30

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I think you're trying to use an impersonal, like, ilia.

5:35

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

It has felt.

5:36

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

There has been.

5:37

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

That's your, there has been.

5:40

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

There has been.

5:41

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

There still remains.

5:43

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

It has left.

5:46

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Let's see.

5:49

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

It has left.

5:50

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Let's see.

5:51

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Even though his brother died due to leukemia, while he himself, you should say he himself, was very young.

5:59

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I don't know if even though makes sense.

6:01

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

That's like an exception.

6:03

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Is it because of the fact he was young, he shouldn't have suffered or had grief?

6:08

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Even though it wasn't his fault, something.

6:11

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

That could make sense.

6:13

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

But even though his, even though he himself was very young and his brother died of leukemia,

6:23

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

guilt has left a huge, you can't really leave a grief.

6:27

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He has felt huge grief in his heart, despite being very young.

6:34

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So, even though it doesn't quite work there, either.

6:38

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Furthermore, he had never said anything positive about adulthood.

6:43

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Why is it a double past?

6:45

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So, before you jump to a past perfect, had never said, that's got to be more in the past than another past action, and I don't see it.

6:52

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Do you want to say he has never said anything?

6:55

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Just, you see, up to now, present perfect?

6:58

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I'm not quite sure.

7:00

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Let's continue.

7:01

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

According to his meeting with his teacher in the second chapter, not really necessary to say where it was,

7:07

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

but, you know, you could say at the beginning of the book or something if you really wanted to,

7:11

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

but we can assume we remember that.

7:13

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He introduced him in a very depressing way.

7:23

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Furthermore, and yeah, he has never, I think he wanted to say he has never said anything positive about adulthood.

7:32

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

It's not really according to, for example, his meeting with his teacher.

7:40

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

For example, introducing his, introducing, he introduced his teacher that he met with in a very depressing way.

7:52

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I, the ideas are not connected together according to, you know, I think I get the idea.

8:01

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

You're kind of saying based on what was seen, but you're trying to say according to what was observed.

8:08

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Based on the meeting with his teacher, based on what he expressed during the meeting with his teacher,

8:18

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

he found the old instructor to be very depressing.

8:24

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He has compared his teacher to, you can't say a decay, it's uncountable.

8:29

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

You can't say to decay is, is a, it's a verb.

8:33

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Thus, for him, aging was something scary.

8:36

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He's called many adults phony because they were materialistic and just trying to show off.

8:44

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Something more subtle, is that related to adulthood and childhood, was his description of the museum.

8:51

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He had loved going to it.

8:53

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Now, that's a good past perfect.

8:54

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He had loved going to it.

8:56

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I would almost prefer if it was clearly identified.

8:59

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He had loved going to it, going to it until his brother died, until recently.

9:04

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Until recently, when he was younger, when he was, before becoming a teenager, he had loved going to it.

9:11

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

See, there's something in the past, and it happened more in the past.

9:14

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He had loved going to it before becoming a teenager.

9:18

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Becoming simple past, he had loved it before that.

9:22

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Because everything seemed unchanged.

9:24

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He was aging, and that's the reason he could not go inside.

9:29

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Yeah, he was aging, he was changing, and going inside reminded him, going inside reminded him that he was changing, but the museum was not.

9:43

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Finally, he had lots of breakdowns in the story.

9:46

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Breakdown might not be the right word here.

9:47

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

That's pretty powerful.

9:49

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

That's really, completely lost control.

9:53

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

The first one was after the fight with, yeah, the proxy net's not really the right word here.

10:00

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Even if it may exist in English, I'm curious.

10:02

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I'm going to have to check that one out.

10:04

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He had his first dream about killing him in a gangster movie

10:09

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

while in reality he felt miserable and yellow.

10:12

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Good use of yellow.

10:14

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Then he wanted to go to live in a cabin.

10:17

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Cabin doesn't take an E twice.

10:21

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

And to be the catcher in the rye to save children.

10:26

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Whereas his friend advised him to see a psychoanalyst

10:29

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

and himself was unsure about his sanity.

10:35

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

And himself, I think his friend advised him.

10:38

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

See, him is the closest pronoun.

10:41

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

And I think you're referring to his friend felt he was unsure about his sanity.

10:45

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Whereas his friend advised Holden to see a psychoanalyst.

10:51

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Perhaps do, you know, we got to get the friend closer to the pronoun himself,

10:59

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

closer to friend.

11:01

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Perhaps because he was unsure about his sanity,

11:05

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

his friend advised him to see a psychoanalyst.

11:08

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

To conclude, he was depressed.

11:12

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Now, the last person he spoke about was his friend.

11:15

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So it's a little confusing again.

11:16

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Now, here at the beginning of a new paragraph,

11:18

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

you probably want to say Holden or the protagonist

11:20

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

or this young man or something like that.

11:23

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Because our last focus, the last subject was his friend.

11:28

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

To conclude, Holden was depressed because he was unstable mentally.

11:33

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Kama did not want to grow old and was grieving his brother.

11:37

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Well, at least you, we could say grow old.

11:40

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

We could also just say grow up, mature, become an adult.

11:42

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

You know, when we think about going from teenager to adult,

11:45

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

we don't really think about growing old.

11:48

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Going into my age, you think about growing old,

11:51

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

becoming an adult or growing up a little bit different.

11:56

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Okay, so how did we do?

11:59

S… Speaker 2 (New+Recording+77+3)

Let's take a look.

12:00

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Let me get the, where's the grid here?

12:03

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So a lot of the points, let's see, we got,

12:07

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

let's do the big stuff first.

12:09

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Let's do grammar and vocabulary.

12:10

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Those are 15 and 10 points.

12:12

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Mechanics is real easy.

12:14

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I only noticed two things.

12:15

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So that's two out of three points, two spelling errors.

12:21

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So we've got some uncountable,

12:23

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

a little bit of confusion there with the perfect tenses.

12:28

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Trying to use during correctly.

12:33

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I think I'm going to talk about your connecting words,

12:38

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

like besides, and even though they're,

12:41

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

more often than not according to,

12:42

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

your connecting words are kind of plugged in

12:43

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

and they're not working naturally or correctly too often.

12:48

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

But I think I'm going to put that more in organization

12:50

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

because those are not content words.

12:56

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Luchemia, grief, ceiling, that's good.

12:58

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

You did a real good job of taking,

13:00

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

vocabulary from the book.

13:01

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So congratulations on that.

13:02

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Your general vocabulary is more average for advanced two.

13:07

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So I'm kind of going nine and 7.5.

13:10

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So it's like about,

13:11

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I'm going to go about 8.4 out of 10 for vocabulary.

13:16

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Okay.

13:16

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

And I was looking at grammar.

13:19

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

It's a little hit and miss,

13:20

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

but there's some confusion about past perfect.

13:24

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I didn't really take off points for using progressive form of present perfect

13:28

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

when it should have been simple and then you used it right.

13:31

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

He has also described him in a sterling way.

13:35

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I like that word sterling.

13:38

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Kind of an older word, but yes, it's nice to know.

13:41

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Like sterling silver.

13:45

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

But there's not really basic errors in here.

13:49

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I'm going to give you 12 out of 15.

13:53

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

And where I'm going to hit you a little bit is on organization

13:55

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

when it comes to organization of your sentences,

13:57

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

your complex structures.

13:58

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

But organization of the composition itself was solid.

14:03

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

That was well done.

14:04

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I'm going to take off a point for the connecting word.

14:06

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So I would have been five out of six.

14:08

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I'll give you four out of six.

14:09

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

And your content is appropriate for sure.

14:15

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Is it excellent?

14:16

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

No, it's not excellent.

14:18

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Is it very good?

14:20

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

It's pretty good.

14:21

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I'll give you a,

14:22

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I'll give you 4.8 out of six on your content.

14:27

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So let's add it up.

14:29

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

4.8 and 4 plus 12.

14:33

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

You're up to 20.8.

14:35

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

And then we have 10.4 to add.

14:37

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

We are at 31.2 out of 40.

14:42

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

I think that's right on about a B minus right there.

14:45

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

So I hope the feedback helps.

14:47

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

And I think it's a pretty decent job for a midterm.

14:50

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

Try to learn from your mistakes and improve on that.

14:54

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

And I think you'll be happy with,

14:57

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

even more so with your final grade.

14:59

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

If you can.

15:00

S… Speaker 1 (New+Recording+77+3)

a few of the things we discussed here. So nice work.

New+Recording+77+3

Resume

Konbyen tan pou m' fè transkript la?