Showing only
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I was called in to do a mediation where it was
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
a cross -cultural and gender issue both.
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
There was a physician from a country where there was extremely high power
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
distance between the male and the female.
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
He was also,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
as a physician,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
and I say this with all due respect to physicians,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
there is a hierarchy between physicians and nurses.
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
So there was the hierarchy of culture and there was a hierarchy
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
of position.
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And he had made the workplace so difficult that
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
the nurses,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
primarily women,
0:35
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
had said,
0:36
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
we're going to file a claim for hostile work environment.
0:39
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
This is like constructive termination.
0:41
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
There's discrimination here.
0:43
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And they were really, really upset.
0:44
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And this happened to be a situation that was a proactive mediation
0:48
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
rather than waiting until grievances and everything.
0:51
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I walked in and he said,
0:53
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I know why you're here.
0:55
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I said,
0:57
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
what am I here for?
0:59
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
He says, you're here to tell me that men and women are equal.
1:03
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And it took every fiber of my being not to say,
1:07
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
you betcha.
1:08
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And I said,
1:09
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
no, that's not why I'm here.
1:10
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
He says, really?
1:11
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I said,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
no, you have the power here to make one of three decisions.
1:18
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
One of those decisions is that you can continue to believe what you
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
want to believe and you can behave the way you have been behaving
1:26
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
with the nurses,
1:27
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
in which case your decision will be that you're choosing not to work
1:31
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
here anymore because the way that you're working with the nurses right now doesn't
1:35
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
meet the employee guidelines within this medical facility.
1:37
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And you have the power to make that decision.
1:39
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
Another decision that you have power to make is that you can continue
1:44
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
to believe what you want to believe.
1:46
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
but you change your behavior.
1:47
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And your behavior becomes something that does meet the
1:51
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
employee guidelines,
1:52
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
and then you've made the decision to stay here.
1:54
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And you can also choose to change your belief and change your behavior,
1:58
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
in which case you've also made the decision to stay here.
2:01
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
So it's really all up to you.
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
You have all the power.
2:03
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
Now,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
it's not fighting the power,
2:05
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
it's taking the power,
2:07
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
working with it,
2:08
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
and...
2:08
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
giving it back rather than saying,
2:10
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
look, Bucko,
2:11
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I'm sorry, but you don't get to make these rules and what you believe is wrong,
2:15
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
which is not my job and it's not my place and it's his culture and it's
2:19
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
his belief.
2:19
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
So he said a little what we call zinger,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
thank you.
2:25
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I will talk to people that I respect.
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And I said,
2:28
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
and again,
2:30
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
Take the breath get centered and I said I think that's a great idea and I
2:34
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
said how long would you like to have and he said I'd like to have a week I said I think
2:38
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
we can work with that comes back a week later and he says I've talked to people I
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
respect I said terrific glad that happened so what did you decide
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
and He said I've chosen
2:50
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I've chosen number two.
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I'm going to believe what I want to believe,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
but I'm going to change my behavior.
2:55
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And I said,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
terrific.
2:56
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
You have just solved your problem.
2:58
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I'm getting up and walking out.
3:01
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And then he says,
3:02
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
Mrs.
3:02
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
Meierding, which is the first time he had addressed to me by name.
3:06
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And I turned around and I said,
3:08
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
yes.
3:08
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And he said, would you mind staying here and helping me know
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
how to change my behavior in a better way?
3:17
S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And we sat there for two and a half hours.
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
If I had fought that power,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
if I tried to change that power,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
if I tried to change that cultural belief,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
I would have lost him.
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And my job isn't therapy,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
and my job isn't to try to change him overnight.
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
And I am one of those people that believes that by changing behavior,
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S… Speaker 1 (1779802325694)
you can eventually change belief.

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